Can you guys believe it is already the end of another year and the new year starts TOMORROW?? I can’t believe how quickly this year has flown!

So I want to start off with having you picture a crazy maniac furiously writing in some kind of crazy Einstein looking equations all over the blackboard of a classroom, except that it extends past the blackboard and all over the walls and floors and pretty much every other surface imaginable. You’ve seen movies and stuff where that happens, right? I keep picturing Barry after he comes out of the Speedforce (for you fellow nerds that love the Flash!). Got that image? Well THAT right there ladies and gentlemen… is ME. When it comes to goal and resolution making, this is me Every. Single Time.

I am QUEEN of resolutions.

Like…. just call me your majesty from now on, k?

But really- I am super into making resolutions every year and am very goals oriented. I’d like to say it’s the planning and organizational side of my personality, but taking a quick look around my house reminds me that side doesn’t actually exist sooooo…. I’ve got no explanation. I just like making goals.

I’m also the person that throws half of my goals out the window by mid-January, and usually by the end of the year I’ve only actually accomplished a few things on my list and sometimes not even that. And the big stuff like weight loss or keeping my room clean? Psh. I never follow through all the way. I mean I get part way there… but never actually achieve the goal.

This year is going to be different though, because I’ve been doing some research (insert the dork that loves school here.)

After taking a long time to evaluate myself and my past goals, I think that my biggest flaw has been that I’m unable to limit myself to something achievable. I create these huge goals and strict, rigorous action plans to get me there, but I forget that I’m only human and some days, I JUST CAN’T EVEN. I have a hard time remembering to put on mascara in the morning or bringing lunch to work, let alone time to remember all of my action items and master plans for achieving Wonder Woman status by Dec. 31 with a completely checked off resolution list.

I’m rambling, like always… but my point here is that in the past I feel like I’ve set myself up for failure by setting too many goals and when I start to veer off the course to achieve them, I drop the goal all together because I’m so overwhelmed and stressed out. Anyone else with me?

So this year, I initially had made the decision that I was going to limit myself to 12 goals, basically one goal per month of the year to work on. For those of you that think 12 goals is a lot to be considered a “limit” let me remind you that I’m the person with a goal list running over 30 long every year so this is a huge success (is success the right word?) for me haha.

As I was considering my goals and furiously scribbling my goal-making algorithm all over my walls I was considering all of the things that I want to accomplish in the next 12 months. Guys, I can’t even. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about all the thoughts I was having haha. I had a little meltdown and started crying. Yep. Really. It took my a while to get a hold of myself because my emotions are a little like a bag of potato chips- once the bag is open, you can’t just stop until it’s empty. (Insert a reminder to start eating bags of carrots the way I eat potato chips). But once I did finally stop, I felt foolish. Why did I let it overwhelm me? I mean it’s pretty dumb and I am super embarrassed to even be talking about it, but in the spirit of keeping it real I’m just going to admit that I cried over this dumb thing and honestly it was probably good for me. In thinking about why I started crying, I realized the main reason is because I just don’t feel like I can accomplish anything I want to do. I feel stuck as this person that I view myself as, and in the spirit of keeping it real (again), how I view myself is pretty pathetic.

When I had postpartum depression after my first baby, it was all I could do to keep myself alive and moving forward. I lost everything that made me feel any kind of happiness, I became a new person, I made mistakes, I ignored my own needs, and lost sight of any kind of hope or happiness for my life. Yes, I am sure I sound like a drama queen, but if possible it was a million times worse than anything I could ever describe in words and unless you’ve been through it, it’s probably not easy to understand.

When I finally got help and emerged from the cave of mental illness, what was born on the other side was a whole new person. An undefined woman who had been broken, scarred, and meant nothing. I had no self esteem, no concept of self love, but I was alive and breathing. I could see the sunshine and feel happy, even in my fragile state. Over the last few years I’ve tried to figure out what this new woman is, WHO she is, what makes her special, and I’ll be honest, it’s been a hard journey. Some days I feel like I’m conquering the world and other days I feel like I’m being buried in that cave again.

No wonder I’ve really failed at accomplishing my goals these last few years.

At one of my last doctor appointments after I had my second baby, I had a moment with my doctor and she said that the best way for me to be a good mom, the best mom that I could be, the mom that my children needed, was for me to take care of myself.

Let that sink in.

For you to be the best mom that you can be for your family, you need to take care of yourself. REALLY take care of yourself.

So back to my post-breakdown moment during my goal setting this last week, I had an epiphany moment where I realized that the reason I felt overwhelmed by my goals and my life in general, is because I don’t feel like I can accomplish anything. I’m not healthy or well physically, emotionally, or mentally. How can I expect to know who I am and be the woman that I want to be and achieve all the things that I want to do in my life, if I have no sense of respect or love for myself and can’t care for myself?

With that thought, I made the executive decision to make a change for this year. This year, instead of a bunch of goals, I decided I am going to make ONE goal that I’m going to focus on all year long. Instead of having an overwhelming list that I forget by February, I am going to make this one goal my purpose for living this year. Studies have shown that focusing on one task is more effective than trying to multitask several things in general, and while I pride myself on multitasking I really feel like this year I need a change of pace and to slow down and put all my focus in achieving one thing.

This year, my goal is to be better at taking care of myself so I can learn to love myself. I feel like this is something that is going to be an endless journey but at the point I’m at in my life right now, I need to really focus on this before I can expect to be successful. So, with that said, this year I am going to slow down and really put my focus on trying to take care of and love myself, and all that might entail.

To achieve this goal, I’m launching a campaign for self care and love, something to celebrate ourselves as women through that same care and love, for the 2018 year. Maybe it will just be me that works on this goal, but if there are any of you like me that need to learn to take care of yourself or love yourself a little more, I would absolutely love if you join me and be part of this campaign! I’m going to have a post go up on Tuesday about it, so stay tuned! 🙂

For all of you that are maybe like me with goal setting, I encourage you to maybe try and narrow it down to one or maybe two goals that you REALLY want to work on and make them your focus for the entire year so that you’re more likely to accomplish them. And for those of you that are already BOSS at achieving goals and have a big list that you know you are going to slay, you’re my hero. 😉

XXOO Sunny